I need fashion help
It is much colder here at Postdoc U than PhD city, and I have been avoiding hats because I only have a hideous knitted cap from the drugstore. I have a nice felt hat somewhere in storage, but I need something that I can wear everyday to campus that won't break the bank, look too shabby or give me hat hair all day. What do you in colder climes suggest??
You forgot to pay, dear
The lady who bakes yummy cakes at a coffee shop near my house very patiently said those words to me as I was leaving. I have been such a space cadet today. I go to this place pretty often, and they know that I am a good customer who doesn't walk out on her bill, but it was still so embarrassing. I had wanted to pay at the counter, which is what I usually do, before I go sit down with my food, but they were out of coffee, and she told me to go ahead and sit down, she would bring it out to my table. And then, I was busy reading, eating, drinking coffee, and by the time I was leaving, I forgot I hadn't paid like I usually do. I almost walked right out!
Earlier in the day as I was paying for something else, I reached into my bag and discovered that I had left my wallet at home. Fortunately, it was a short walk away, even though it was raining cats and dogs today. I think this weather makes my brain feel washed out.
To remedy my washed out brain, I fixed myself a steaming hot bowl of Moroccan Green Lentil soup from this month's vegetarian times for dinner tonight. I couldn't find it on their website, but it was very lemony and full of vermicelli, green lentils, garbanzos, onions, tomatoes, parsley, and I added fresh ginger to it too. I liked it so much that I took some over to my duplex neighbor right away. She had been collecting my mail the whole time I was gone for my defense, and I wanted to thank her. She was thrilled. Now that my brain is well-nourished, hopefully it will cooperate in making revisions and going about life, paying for stuff without causing public embarrassment tomorrow.
Earlier in the day as I was paying for something else, I reached into my bag and discovered that I had left my wallet at home. Fortunately, it was a short walk away, even though it was raining cats and dogs today. I think this weather makes my brain feel washed out.
To remedy my washed out brain, I fixed myself a steaming hot bowl of Moroccan Green Lentil soup from this month's vegetarian times for dinner tonight. I couldn't find it on their website, but it was very lemony and full of vermicelli, green lentils, garbanzos, onions, tomatoes, parsley, and I added fresh ginger to it too. I liked it so much that I took some over to my duplex neighbor right away. She had been collecting my mail the whole time I was gone for my defense, and I wanted to thank her. She was thrilled. Now that my brain is well-nourished, hopefully it will cooperate in making revisions and going about life, paying for stuff without causing public embarrassment tomorrow.
Lost luggage
My airline didn't bring my luggage on the same plane as me, even though I was on a direct flight! So, last night, I called their luggage service and I was assured that my luggage would be delivered by midnight. I stayed up late, waiting for it, hoping I wasn't going to have to crawl out of bed to get it. Well, it didn't get delivered last night, and I didn't get to bed until almost 1am. I woke up late this morning with a very unhappy tummy. It seems I got some sort of food poisoning from last night's dinner. So, I putzed around the house in my pajamas, feeling nauseated and trying to do a bit of cleaning. This afternoon, I finally took a shower after my bags were delivered, but I'm still feeling so crappy, I had to cancel my tennis match for tonight, which I was really looking forward to.
Is there a doctor in the house?
That's what my advisor said when he came looking for me after the deliberations were over and my defense was done. I have been gone for over a week because I've had almost no internet access the whole time! My mailbox for email is very full, so I'll have to tackle that next. But, I'm planning to get back to work tomorrow, as I have some revisions to work on this month before turning it all in. Still, I'm happy that the defense is behind me. It was great to get feedback from my committee and spend time with my parents for a week. I'm ready to tuck into my revisions now!
Liminality
I usually wake up with only one thing on my mind, shortening the distance between sleepy me, my newspaper and some hot, strong coffee. Today I woke up and looked over at my suitcase that I'm bringing with me, and thought, wow, I am going to defend my dissertation. Today, I am flying to Home city (where my parents live) and then driving to PhD city for my dissertation defense.
Being here feels so satisfying, like the end of something, but also inspiring, like the beginning of something, too. My advisor gave me a ton of revisions, so I feel confident that whatever I get from my defense, I can handle. Nobody can possibly top the amount of revisions that I have already done, so anything else will be peanuts. Essentially, the document is in the basic form that it will be in. But this is also the beginning of turning it into articles, or a book or whatever I end up doing. Its the beginning of everything that comes after this.
I'm enjoying this moment of liminality, and being in the present today. I've spent so much of my time at Postdoc city lamenting how behind I was, but now I am okay with where I am. This moment has its own beauty and potential and I am going to dig deep and enjoy it while I pack my bags for my evening flight.
Being here feels so satisfying, like the end of something, but also inspiring, like the beginning of something, too. My advisor gave me a ton of revisions, so I feel confident that whatever I get from my defense, I can handle. Nobody can possibly top the amount of revisions that I have already done, so anything else will be peanuts. Essentially, the document is in the basic form that it will be in. But this is also the beginning of turning it into articles, or a book or whatever I end up doing. Its the beginning of everything that comes after this.
I'm enjoying this moment of liminality, and being in the present today. I've spent so much of my time at Postdoc city lamenting how behind I was, but now I am okay with where I am. This moment has its own beauty and potential and I am going to dig deep and enjoy it while I pack my bags for my evening flight.
I made it !
What is the great accomplishment, you ask? No, not yet, the defense is not until next week. I had such a hard time getting to campus this morning, and then getting back over there after I came home for lunch, that I almost got back in bed. Seriously. I am SO damn proud of myself right now for getting my butt back on campus and working for 3 more hours today. I just got back home and I am going to do something really nice for myself tonight, because I got work done today at all. Does this seem pathetic?
There is little that I am forced to do externally right now, because I'm not teaching classes or anything, and there are times when this can be just as hard as having too many external responsibilities. I don't show up at a lab like other science postdocs, I have to be my own internal boss. And, there are days when that is especially challenging. The weather being awful never helps, as staying inside and staying warm can be tempting. But today, I didn't cave in. Some of the worst weather I've experienced in many years didn't stop me either. Alice has successfully conquered the evil forces of laziness for one more day! Now I can take the evening off guilt free.
There is little that I am forced to do externally right now, because I'm not teaching classes or anything, and there are times when this can be just as hard as having too many external responsibilities. I don't show up at a lab like other science postdocs, I have to be my own internal boss. And, there are days when that is especially challenging. The weather being awful never helps, as staying inside and staying warm can be tempting. But today, I didn't cave in. Some of the worst weather I've experienced in many years didn't stop me either. Alice has successfully conquered the evil forces of laziness for one more day! Now I can take the evening off guilt free.
Defense dreams
I'm less than two weeks from my defense date now, and I seem to either imagine everything going really great or have nightmares about how awful it is going to be. I wish I could go around and talk to my committee beforehand. Unfortunately, it won't work that way. I have to wait and see. Uncertain situations have never been my strong suit. I do better when I can plot and plan and know what is going to happen. In this case, its plot and plan, expect the worst, and hope for the best.
New word for an old trick
Apparently, there is a word for what I've been doing since I turned in my dissertation, its called bibliotherapy. This is what I've always done whenever I've been under too much stress to function. How can submitting one's dissertation induce stress, you ask, since it would more likely seem to make it disappear? Well, I asked myself the same question, until my friend G. patiently explained, this is Transition Time for me, with not one, but two, capital T's. Even though the dissertation has yet to be defended, the impending changes are causing Alice some emotional turmoil, which she won't detail here at this moment.
The more pressing matter is, what is she doing about it? Reading, reading and more reading. I am pleased to report that I'm now caught up on all of the New Yorker issues that had piled up, almost done with a pretty decent novel, and finally taking the time to read the paper every morning, instead of guiltily tossing it aside to tackle my writing and barely skimming it before going to bed. This lavish lifestyle does not afford time for much else. New York Times for breakfast, New Yorker for lunch, and the novel at bedtime. The pre-semester clean has yet to happen. So does the 30 minutes per week of exercise that I've signed up for at The Active Academic. As you can see from my things to do list, I have yet to do laundry or buy a calendar for 2008. These are trivial matters that will be attended to one way or the other. But hey, 2008 has been branded the year of reading, so go out there and do some bibliotherapy for yourself. Still hesitant? I haven't exactly made a case for it myself, pointing out the practical fallouts, but as the Guardian puts it convincingly:
Plus, at a public library, its even free!
The more pressing matter is, what is she doing about it? Reading, reading and more reading. I am pleased to report that I'm now caught up on all of the New Yorker issues that had piled up, almost done with a pretty decent novel, and finally taking the time to read the paper every morning, instead of guiltily tossing it aside to tackle my writing and barely skimming it before going to bed. This lavish lifestyle does not afford time for much else. New York Times for breakfast, New Yorker for lunch, and the novel at bedtime. The pre-semester clean has yet to happen. So does the 30 minutes per week of exercise that I've signed up for at The Active Academic. As you can see from my things to do list, I have yet to do laundry or buy a calendar for 2008. These are trivial matters that will be attended to one way or the other. But hey, 2008 has been branded the year of reading, so go out there and do some bibliotherapy for yourself. Still hesitant? I haven't exactly made a case for it myself, pointing out the practical fallouts, but as the Guardian puts it convincingly:
Books don't always save lives: writing about the Holocaust didn't prevent Primo Levi from ultimately committing suicide; and the reading - or perverse misreading - of The Satanic Verses led to the deaths of innocent people. But literature's power to heal and console outweighs its power to do damage. Hector, in Alan Bennett's The History Boys, puts it beautifully when he describes how, in the presence of great literature, it's as if a hand has reached out and taken our own. That's the hand which Davis is trying to extend.
Plus, at a public library, its even free!
Scheduling Conflicts
I've been working on scheduling my defense for almost two weeks. It is impossible. I was closing in on a date when the one person who didn't respond to my emails for over a week decided to write back and throw a spanner in the works and say they can't make it. So, I got to start all over from scratch. Let's bear in mind that I am already pushing the deadline, and nobody replies during winter break even when they haven't gone anywhere, its like this entitlement thing. Okay, I will quit whining now, but geez, at this rate I have to wonder how they EVER schedule faculty meetings?
Happy New Year
This is going to be the year that I believe in myself. The year that I don't cave in to what others expect of me, but listen to my own voice and know that I can handle things on my own. I have this way of looking up to authority figures for everything instead of finding it inside myself. I'm always seeking that one piece of advice that is going to transform my life, and I've finally found it. It just happens to not be from outside, and it feels so real and right. However I got here, even if it took a major catastrophe and surgery, and all this moving across the country, this is something that will follow me all my years. I feel it so strong now. I just have to look in the mirror when I forget. I'm ready for a 2008 that comes with this shift. It is already a happy new year at the Alice household. I hope yours shapes up to be the same!
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