Turning of the Seasons

With leaves turning, a full moon in the sky, and Halloween around the corner, I've been thinking about this time last year, when I was writing my dissertation, and how little I could appreciate anything around me. It was a bit of the same feeling as what it is like when people are being kind to you, but you have a knot inside yourself and you just can't accept any kindness. It is a difficult situation to be in, because loosening up would get rid of the knot, but that loosening is exactly what is so difficult to do in that moment.

This afternoon at the coffee shop, I resisted the urge to go find my own desk and plug in my headphones as is my usual habit. Instead, I sat with a colleague I'd run into. We talked a bit between bouts of reading as we sipped our steamy mugs of tea and the rain came down amidst the gorgeous fall leaves outside. I'm so grateful for this weather and the new friends I'm making. Most of all, I'm grateful that the knot inside my heart is opening up to my own goodness and the goodness in my surroundings. Now, I feel more set up to focus on making the most of it.


Notorious Ph.D. said...

Hey! Good for you! New and interesting colleagues are one of the great things about fellowship years -- enjoy it!

AliceAcademic said...

I'm glad you put this in your advice. It is helping me to take it more seriously and not feel like I'm heading down the slippery slope of slacking off and wasting the time.